So I have been keeping something from everyone(Cesar is not included in 'everyone'). So here goes:


Something is wrong with me. And its starting to scare me. For the past few weeks I have been having this sensation like a tingling or vibration or a buzzing(maybe? hard to describe) running through my back, arms, hands, and upper legs. It happens when I move in certain ways, and as I discovered last night especially when I move my neck forward and down. Thats the part that has me really scared.

I don't know when I first realized that this odd feeling was going on. It wasn't very bad at first and it doesn't hurt t all, it's just annoying and distracting. When I DID realize I was feeling odd, I thought, 'well maybe it will go away on its own; It doesn't hurt right?'(I asked to myself).

But it didn't. It got worse. I noticed it more and more when I was moving around the house. When I sit up suddenly I have a particularly strong pang so strong that I sometimes have to stop a moment because the tingling is turning my hands and arms numb. Finally I told Cesar about it and he said to go see a doctor. I hate seeing doctors so I put it off.

Last night I was sitting here watching Youtube and I moved my neck forward a bit and got the now familiar sensation. I moved my neck back and it stopped. 'Ah ha' I thought, possibly the source of it all.

Then I thought okay it's possibly to do with my neck. It is obviously something neurological as well, because of the nature of it.(I think at least) Then I started thinking, what if this is more serious than I have been behaving about it? What it is a tumor pressing on my spine, or a blood clot or something else that could possibly leave me paralyzed? I had visions of me collapsing when no one was here to help me(I'm alone with the girls alot) and just laying there hearing the girls screaming in their room for me and not being able to get to them.

That was last night and the final thought that finally made me call a doctor this morning. I really hate going to the doctor, but atleast if I won't do it for my own health. I'll do it because of my children. I don't know if I could stand not being able to take care of them. They are the reason I get up in the morning(literally), seeing them smile gets me through, they're the breath in my body, the warmth in my days, all that I could ever hope for.

I don't want to leave them alone. So, I'll go to the damn doctor, because they can fix me so I can get back to my life.

Ok I have a question to pose to those of my family that read this:

Did one of you-or perhaps you know someone else who did- order me a subscription to the Disney magazine? I have been puzzled by this since the begining of the year, and finally I managed to snag one from Caitlyn before she tore the cover off of it(the cover has the subscriber info on it). I don't remember ordering it but their website says I am paid in full for 2 years, so something is going on. The only thing that puzzles me is, if someone did order it, why for me? It is obviously a kids magazine(no comments about my maturity please) and we just give them straight to Caity anyway, so why not put her name on it?

So there's my mystery of the week. If anyone knows anything please, share it with the rest of the class!

I know I promised everyone to write down stuff from my vacation to Wisconsin, but it has been over a month since I got back, and well if you were holding your breath waiting, I'd let it out about now. Sorry folks, but I kinda never got to it, and I'm not gonna bother at this point. I am going to try and write more though. I need an outlet of some kind to keep me from spiraling down into depression and loneliness(more than I already have that is)Writing is therapuetic and will keep me from picking fights and yelling at Cesar all the time. Been doing that alot lately and we sat down and talked about it the other day, and in the process I figured out why I've been doing it.

Okay enough of that here's something silly:(but I can't take credit for it, Cesar found it. I just think it is cute)

I have been surfing the net lately, in true surfing style: Completely random. This is alot easier to do when you have the coolest surfing tool ever: the Stumble Upon toolbar.



The toolbar is a download you can get for free to add to your browser. You sign up a free account with SU, check the boxes next to what you are interested in(after you download the toolbar of course) and away you go! I have found this to be fun, ALWAYS interesting, sometimes educational, and (I think) the best way out there to randomly cruise the web.

Some of the cool places I have discovered via my Stumble! button:

One Word -- Rachel will like this one. It gives you one word and you have sixty seconds to write about it

My Animated World -- I little something for my gaming peeps(that's you, Bro)

Splashy paint place(Jackson Pollock) -- If you click the mouse while you move it around you can change paint colors( I didn't know that until just now....)

Kaliedoscope - Doodley fun

Snowflake Maker - I spent a while messing with this

People with more free time than even me - self explainitory

Computer Enhancements - hee hee hee hee hee...ad nausium

Spiffy Space Info - Interactive movie about the Andromeda Galaxy crashing into us *dun dun dun!!!*

Ok well, I could go on for awhile longer just with stuff I've stumbled this week, but I won't. Enjoy the sites, I did!

Everyone like my new user photo? I have been playing around with the draw and photo editors we have lately, and I like the black and white look.

So......we got married finally. Just a little civil ceremony at the marriage commisioners' office, but we are(or should I say I am) planning a bigger ceremony to be held in January on the 6th. I've already got most of the big stuff figured out, I just have to put deposits down on everything(reception, dress, cake) My dad and step mom are paying for the ceremony itself so I don't have to worry about that and I am doing most of the detailed stuff myself, like printing invitations. I'm also doing one big thing myself, the flowers.

The one thing I have to lament though is that I found a dress I really love, but that we can't afford. I have been looking around for a less expensive one that is similar, and so far I have found one I kinda like, but I am still looking around though, maybe I'll find a better one. If anyone wants to see the one a really want but can't afford it's at David's Bridal Style # CQ110. Maybe one of you out there has seen one like it that's cheaper somewhere.

Yes I know this is a late entry. Major surgery and a new baby can make you not care about your blog for awhile.

Anyway, Wendy is 2 weeks old today. We went to the doctors and the did her PKU test. For those of you who don't know, that is where the take blood from the baby's heel for testing. Obviously she didn't like it very much. She gained almost another full pound since last week too. She now wheighs 7lbs 13oz, as oppposed to her 6lbs 12oz when she was born. She also grew 2 inches to a full 20 in. now. Growing fast! Still can't post photos on msn so sorry about that.

too....much...sugar......

I have had way too much sugar today and didn't even realize it until the sugar crash. That hasn't happened to me and such a long time that I forgot how bad it is. Let me catorigize what sugar I had today:

Bought a Cadbury egg for me at Walmart when I went to get a bit of groceries,
Friend of mine at the optical at Walmart gave Caitlyn an easter egg with chocolate in it that she gave me a bite of,
Bought Caitlyn some Bunny Peeps also but all she did was nibble on them and squish them some and then give them to me,
Dad sent us some Easter stuff(toy Bunny Peeps for Caitlyn and a bear for the new baby, chocolate for me and Cesar) and I have been picking at the chocolate all afternoon,
plus some juice that I have been drinking.

I feel kinda bad in the tummy......someone remind me to never do that again.

Alright this is an update on my last entry. We finally(Finally!!!) picked a name for the baby. It is Gwendolyn Rose for those of you who I haven't already told. I think my dad is kinda iffiy about it, but like I told him, she will probably end up being called Wendy(or possibly Gwen) Cesar likes it because he has always liked the name Wendy and I like it because it is unusual(as in not Crystal or Jennifer no offense to anyone) but it isn't an unheard of strange name. Plus it's pretty.

The Rose part is entirely for me, Cesar gave in on that. See my best friend that died a few years ago, her patron saint was Saint Rose. I would have just gone with her name (Cherith) except that Cesar and her never got along, he thinks it's an odd name, AND another friend of ours(mine and hers) named her daughter Cherith when she was born last year, amd I don't like playing follow the leader. Cherith's middle name was Brooke btw, but between you and me, even though she was my best friend, I never really liked that name.

On another baby note it is now about 3 weeks until she is born, but I STILL do not have a definite surgery date!! Hopefully my appointment next week will remedy that. I'll let you know. I do know which Hospital I'll be at though, so making some progress towards the end of this seemingly NEVER ENDING PREGNANCY!!!! I know, I know, I sound like every other pregnant woman in their last month. Sue me.